


How I got here

by ifijust_layhere



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Bad Poetry, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 10:26:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17384774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifijust_layhere/pseuds/ifijust_layhere
Summary: Spencer's pov on his life over the past thirty years and how everything kinda worked out even though its all still fucked up.





	How I got here

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if its terrible

If you have ever felt alone, dropped and abandoned, you understand how it felt growing up the way I did.

How I felt picking up shattered glass and frames from pictures that had been broken during her episodes. Coming home to a mother who forgot you or says she hates you. Then the next day you wake up to her behaving like you're her world.

Wanting the ability to eliminate uncertainty and label people and situations ‘normal’ or ‘corrupt’. Not having to underline the details behind everything.

Being a grown-up is difficult because it won't matter whether you are three or thirty, sometimes you still want that smile of reassurance. The help to deal with every overwhelming sensation that becomes overlooked in the 1440 minutes of each day.

Days with frantic, desperate phone calls from her when she misses me feel like torture. Lonely feelings, needing her voice convincing me that I did well. I wanted to be a good person today.

Odd how long it took for me to understand that if my parents and life were rewritten, I would be too. Meaning wouldn't have kissed Aaron that night, this wholesome feeling inside would be gone. I wouldn't have taken and hung photos of our family in our house. And wouldn't be able to come home to hug Jack or have and appreciate my makeshift family.

I live for when sit and talk to each other about Jack's parent-teacher conference or about raw emotions that make it hard to breathe. Passed smiles give hope even on days that we lose.

And our work comes with rants, issues, every damn problem that arises with our job. Pacing hospitals or being scolded about taking off my vest disagreements over first-grade homework. Because love is nothing like the description you learned about, its a physical and confusing idea.

We have each other when tears fall, during loud and obnoxious laughs at terrible jokes. When we comfort Jack from nightmares or wake up in cold sweats.

And no one else can stop us, we can scream out 'I love you.' Or stay silent as time flies by. I'm truthfully just happy that we got here even if it's the one thing I can't explain.


End file.
